What was left in Pandora's box?

When Pandora opened her box all the evils in the world flew out but hope remained.

I was reminded of this bit of mythology whilst hiking this weekend.  I was aiming to decompress and to redo a walk I’d found difficult a year ago when I hiked it with my eldest.  I suspect the pace he set (being 30 years younger than me) was part of the reason I needed a little sit down when I last slogged my way up Win Hill.

It’s a beautiful spot above Castleton and the loop starts and ends with Hope.  You probably see where this is going?

To add to the geological metaphor I decided to add scaling the hill opposite to the walk, I’ve always referred to it as Loose Hill, given that the road just beside Mam Tor has fallen away in my head the hills around had an element of looseness to them.  But on checking the OS Map I realise that for 20 plus years I’ve been mispronouncing the name it is in fact Lose Hill, opposite Win Will.

Most people when they begin litigating think in terms of Winning and Losing.  What we try in mediation is to find a way forward and to give clients some Hope that they will find a future that avoids feeling like a winner or a loser. 

That applies particularly in the family context but also in the civil where too often we see clients who have already got themselves into a win/lose mindset and lost pretty much any hope of seeing a way out of the issue.

What mediation offers in terms of hope is a refocus, not often popular with lawyers if they are on the scene as (certainly in civil) most seem to be pushing for a win at all costs (or at most costs if we’re honest) for their clients.  That’s fine and is their role but what mediation looks at is the alternatives and also the ongoing emotional, psychological and sometimes physical cost of continuing what is often an already lengthy “fight”.

How can I tell if this is the case?  Well clients when they come to us still begin by talking in family in terms of “custody” and having “their” time “taken away”, and in civil of “points scoring”, “winning” and “giving away” or “failing”

In our cases we want our clients not to be winners or losers and certainly not to be without hope.  It’s not an easy change, we are all the main characters in our own stories but in mediation we ask clients to share headline billing, in family it’s often that clients are working towards positive co-parenting, in civil it’s a way out of the trenches dug by months sometimes years of dispute, resentment, fear and anger. 

It’s a balancing act but it removes risk.  Limiting the risk of winning or losing, or winning but still losing on costs not really getting the result or the acknowledgment you wanted and really refocusing away from perceived a win/lose mentality. 

Ending a dispute can make clients feel free and see there is hope for a brighter future, away from the repeatedly trodden ground of any dispute, finally being heard not merely asked which boxes you would like to tick releases clients and allows them to work together in session (and with parents far after sessions end) to a mutually satisfying end.

My hope is that clients who attend mediation feel much as I did as I took the final steps back to the car after experiencing Win Hill and Lose Hill that a test has been passed (not won) that they have achieved a positive outcome and will go forward keeping their achievements in mind and leaving behind thoughts of winning or losing.